AUTHOR: JESS T. NOVA [INSTA]
PUBLISHED: 11 JULY 2020
I don’t know about you, but in my nineteen years of being alive, nearly every single woman I’ve known has been either catcalled, followed, or harassed on the street. I have friends who have been sexually abused, I have friends who have been pressured into doing things they never wanted to do. The majority of these stories haven’t even made it past friend circles and I’m certain that there are stories I haven’t heard because of how hard it can be to share.
Yet, harassment on the street is nothing new and too normalised.
I understand that saying — “Catcalls don’t make me feel pretty,” — can be seen as ungrateful or even selfish. Plus, they’re such a small thing, there are bigger problems in the world. I mean, why would anyone complain about compliments? You could argue that some people don’t even get male attention, why am I complaining? They obviously think I’m fit, why am I being so sensitive?
According to Plan International UK; 66% of young women aged 14 to 21, have experienced unwanted sexual attention or harassment in a public place. There’s a difference between complimenting and catcalling. Sure, it’s nice for strangers to compliment you, it may be a little weird but it’s still in the normal boundaries.
If someone came to me and approached me in a polite conversation, saying something like — “Excuse me, I think your hair is beautiful,” — I would be flattered and thank them. However, if someone was shouting at me for being sexy or speaking to me in a tone which makes me feel like a walking snack to them, that’s when the two things differentiate.
Catcalls are subtle, everyday examples of how women are treated differently. Of course, it’s not just women who get comments like that thrown at them, people of every gender are exposed to such behaviour.
Still, the thing that bothers me is the fact that catcalling is often overlooked.
“These people are strangers, you’ll never see them again, just ignore them”.
No one really thinks about the situation until they’re in it. Sometimes, no reaction seems fitting. Does ‘thanks’ and a polite smile give off the impression that I liked it? Does it sound like I’m giving permission for the conversation to continue? What if I don’t reply? Will they think it’s rude? Will they try something more to get my attention?
These small, everyday instances, can affect people in so many different ways. Why should someone be put through unnecessary anxiety, stress, and annoyance from walking down the street?
84% of women are harassed on the street before they hit 17. That rises to 90% in the UK. Catcalling is part of a bigger problem.
As a form of sexual harassment, catcalling can be the starting point of far more serious situations. Women and young girls can end up being followed home by a stranger, they can be abused with words, the catcaller may decide to walk with them, to pester them with questions on why they didn’t answer or stop.
As a young girl, I’ve had my fair share of such instances. I’ve had creepy, older men look at me and make creepy and unnecessary comments. I’ve looked behind me, multiple times, just in case, when walking alone in the evening or at night.
When I was 18, just last year, I travelled to Paris with my best friend so that we could celebrate finishing high school. This was supposed to be a holiday filled with good memories and new experiences. However, my most vivid memory was us being followed by two older guys in the middle of a very public space.
I remember the weird looks and the uncomfortable feeling of being watched. Only when my friend said she felt extremely unsafe did we decide to move. When we did, the two men followed us down and stood a couple of metres away with one always keeping his eye on us. We were waiting to see the light show on the Eiffel Tower.
I had called my mum at this point, wanting to show her the views which were only minutes away from coming on. I remember telling her how these two guys just kept staring at us, and I wasn’t even aware of the severity of the situation. They hadn’t talked to us, they hadn’t said anything. In my head, it was just a coincidence.
It wasn’t a coincidence when we followed my mum’s advice and moved to different spots a couple of times, just to check. Every single time they’d move with us, only a few minutes behind. They’d subtly pretend as if they weren’t looking but every time I turned to check, I always made eye contact with them.
They must’ve known we knew at this point.
I could feel my hands shaking as I held the phone, my friend was equally distressed and we didn’t know what to do. We couldn't go home at that moment, they would just follow us to the accommodation. We had to go through the metro in order to get to our hotel, we even had to walk a couple of minutes before we even got there.
We walked down to where people were sitting in large groups, enjoying their night. The two guys followed us down. I panicked and took my friend over to find someone, to tell someone we were being followed, but it felt as though I couldn’t even say it. If I did, would they even believe me?
Eventually, we found these slightly older girls who we felt as though we could talk to. We told them what happened and they kept an eye out for us. The men had sat a little to the side of us where they could still see us.
We sat with those girls for nearly 30 minutes until the guys finally walked away.
This isn’t exactly an example of someone catcalling two girls. It’s an example of two girls feeling threatened for their safety, security, and even life. It’s an example of what could follow just a simple catcall.
I was imagining different scenarios in my head. Did they just want to steal something? Did they have bad intentions? Maybe it’s just a coincidence? Maybe it was a case of overthinking?
The amount of anxiety I experienced in such a short period of time was what got me. When we finally returned to our hotel, that’s when I started crying, both from relief and fear at what could’ve happened.
Yet, this isn’t what bothers me.
What bothers me is how normal it is for a girl to fear men in public. It bothers me that simple things like catcalling are fine because we don’t react, but what about the conscious head turns and corner of the eye looks that follow? What about girls worrying that they might not make it home?
When I was younger, I felt as though getting catcalled or hit on by a man was like a checkpoint that determined whether you were deemed beautiful. When some of my friends boasted that they were catcalled, I’d wonder why I didn’t get male attention like that. Did I not meet the standard?
I was literally around 13-years-old.
We, as a society, have normalised and almost romanticised male attention to the point where a woman is criticised for not wanting it, for not being grateful enough for getting it in the first place.
That’s what bothers me.
So, when I say — “Catcalling doesn’t make me feel pretty,” — it’s not because I’m trying to make some feminist point, play the victim or make an argument to say that all men are trash. I say it because it makes me feel vulnerable, scared, anxious, uncertain, and all the negative synonyms which describe feeling as though your life may be in danger.
It doesn’t flatter me one bit, it makes me feel as though I’m ‘easy enough’ to be harassed, threatened, and to me, it’s an indication that I’ve been belittled to something which is to be objectified and sexualised, with the addition of having to go through unnecessary, uncomfortable situations.
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